Happy February! Today I spent most of the morning reading more of Daring Greatly. I am not kidding when I say I am taking my time with this book. Just got through Ch.4 and I had to stop because my brain was processing too much with the uh-huhs, yes, totally, and oh my god that is so true. The part where I paused was when she introduces the difference between connecting wholeheartedly with a trusted person, and floodlighting. She defines floodlighting as sharing too much with someone you don’t necessarily trust or know, and they are left with big eyes staring into a floodlight, a hand covered over their mouth, or a screwy face because they are taken by surprise. I was laughing out loud because I started to think of all the “crazy” people I meet at the store who during the five minute interaction of paying for their clothes, have casually shared everything from “my daughter is addicted to heroin” to “my husband doesn’t like it when I attract attention to myself at these parties.” Then I started reflecting about myself, and recalled how I have done this myself to unsuspecting people, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I think when moving to a new place, it happens more frequently because the one thing you’re looking for is connection. With someone. Anyone. And then later you look back and realize, oh so I SHOULDN’T have shared that I was once prescribed Ambien to sleep because my depression was causing insomnia? Too much information too soon? 🙂 Of course that didn’t really happen, but what did happen was a lot of shame about even admitting that I was unhappy to my own family and friends.
To put herself in check, she goes through a list before sharing: Have I entirely worked through this issue with my loved ones before sharing? Why am I sharing this now? Is it to show connection and help another person? If so, go for it. If not, re-think if this person is part of your trust circle. I love that she even carries around a list in her purse of the people she trusts the most to remind herself not to overshare.
I would say that today I am more confident about my trust circle than ever before, and it feels good to be aware of that. At the same time, I am also building awareness of those who are not yet there. So find your circle of trust! Today! And don’t lose sight of it just because you have a new zip code. Love and support can be felt from miles away.