Butterflies in my stomach

imageSo in a moment of either sheer craziness or courage, I have not decided which one, I registered yesterday for a 5K fun run in March. It’s a women’s only run appropriately called the Diva Dash. As soon as I hit “charge my card” for the registration fee, the negative thoughts poured in from all over. It was amazing really to hear their (lack of) support. 😉 I even woke up in the middle of the night with the thoughts….what if you don’t finish, what if you’re not ready in two months, you may have just wasted $30, and on and on…This is serious the butterflies in my stomach. But I recall a line from a card that my sister sent me two summers ago that read, “butterflies in our stomach often precede something that we thought we could never accomplish…” So whether that means crossing the finish line, training for the race, or just making some friends along the way, it will be something. Today just happened to be the day that I put it out in the universe. In the mean time, anyone reading this blog who wants to join me in March, send me an email. 😉  To be continued…

Daring Greatly…to explore shame?

I know I am not the first or the last person who will blog about Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly book, but I wanted to share my own experience with it and I have only gotten through chapter 3. First of all, for me it is a not a book that I can plow through on a rainy day and call it good. As I just mentioned, I am just finishing chapter 3. It is, however, a book that I take my time with, reading in chunks, and then letting it marinate for a while. Keep in mind I don’t categorize it as a self-help book, or an entertainment book. It is for me my first educational book written by a person with a ph.D. wowsa! I’m so grown up! 🙂

I actually started the book over two weeks ago when I was home sick with a cold and realized the first few pages in I wanted to be 100% healthy to appreciate it. So far I have learned the critical components of vulnerability, and the elements of building resilience to shame. When I read her list (recognizing shame and understanding its triggers, practicing critical awareness, reaching out, and speaking shame) I wondered if replacing the word “shame” with “anxiety” would have the same effect. It would read like this: Recognizing anxiety and understanding its triggers, practicing critical awareness (is the message I am sending myself about the success/failure of this project really true, or is it just an anxiety-producing thought?), reaching out to others and telling people when I am anxious instead of keeping it a hellish secret, and speaking out loud when I am anxious to ask for what I need to be comforted. It may not seem like a perfect exchange, but it sure comes close. If Brown defines shame as the fear of disconnection, then I think anxiety is the direct result of shame that has not been resolved. I have NO IDEA what the rest of the book will explore, but my interest is piqued. Here’s to unveiling and embracing shame, as it appears to be the key to unlocking anxiety…to be continued.

 

Happy 2013/anniversary!

I just got a notice from WordPress that my blog has been up for a year. True there are some serious gaps in time between entries, but still. A year?  Skimming over my entries I am reminded of the various “last day of school” days when we had to turn in our books before leaving for the summer. While most students were excited to get the hell out of there, I would sit and thumb through the pages of a particular subject and think, “I hardly remember learning all of this stuff.” I could never understand how I was now prepared to get to the next grade only because the end of the school year deemed it so?  Fast forward light years beyond grade school and it seems that the lessons I have attempted to write about here are still needing to be learned, and aren’t going to be remembered as easily as calculus or social studies. How many times will I write about patience, self compassion, being good enough, love, growth, etc? As many times as it takes I suppose.